Undeceivable - Zazen and my Moonraker

My Devon Moonraker VW T25 Campervan

On Saturday I drove up to Co.Durham to view and possibly buy a van I saw on Ebay. It was a 1984 VW Devon Moonraker Campervan conversion with pop-top and a 1.6 Turbo Diesel engine taken from a 1991 Golf. This van I saw is now mine. All mine... Take a look at my brother having a go as we drove to Bishop Aukland to pick up my car (it's a long story...):

After we'd gone to pick up my old car which I've passed on to my brother, I was alone to drive the 186 miles back home. And it was to be the most joyous 5 hours of my life. Driving it was a breeze: I sang along to Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire and Ben Kweller's Magic, looked down on all the little cars that rushed past, saw some nice fireworks over Leeds from my own special vantage point, entered some pretty dense fog and felt like I was in a dream world, and encountered lots of nice drivers who were accepting of my cruising speed of 55mph - it's nice to see there's some respect for my Moonraker and me!

I've just got back from an evening showing it to a friend: First we went to Ikea to get a nice throw for the back seats which are looking a little too 80's for my taste, then we ventured into the woods, put the pop-top up, swivelled the passenger captain seat round, turned the lights on, and had a drink. It was easy and brilliant.

There's something incredibly liberating about having a campervan and being able to venture into quiet spots and still have a bit of comfort. And this Devon conversion is incredibly well thought out - everything has its own place, its duty, and it all works perfectly, from the easy to erect and close pop-top, to the table leg neatly stored at the back of the Moonraker in its own tight slot.

All I need now is...nothing.

The Little Things

While eating out at a Yoshinoya the other day in Tokyo, Yoski sat opposite a fat guy who reminded him of Daniel Johnston. Take a look for yourselves and see if you agree. First, the real Daniel Johnston:

Now, the guy who Yoski thought looked like Daniel Johnston:

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Having just finished this wonderful book, I bought Blade Runner on DVD. I've never been into Science Fiction but the philosophical aspect of this book in particular, the scope of the narrative, and the sheer ease of the writing has got me hooked on Philip K. Dick. He's my new Murakami...

I'm slow when it comes to reading between the lines of a book and I think I'll need to read it again, buy the study guide, trawl through the web, and speak to the spirit of Philip K. Dick, to get it. But I loved it nonetheless.

And the film looks pretty good too. Am I bit late watching this? You never know, I might sit through 2001 Space Odyssey next!

The Imaginarium of Doctor Pernassus

The last Terry Gilliam film I watched was Tideland. I didn't like it much but it was interesting. Brother's Grimm I couldn't even be bothered watching. And then there's Fischer King and 12 Monkeys, two of my favourite films. And then there's 'The Imaginarium...'

It's not perfect but it has an almost perfect amount of perfect scenes. It's not a masterpiece, but there are masterful pieces of mastership. If imagination were superimposed onto film, it'd look like The Imaginairum of Doctor Pernassus: A film in which pretty much anything goes and yet, Terry Gilliam manages to stay in control and give the viewer something substantial to get hold of. And it even has a proper ending!

I'd give it a liberating sixty four thumbs up out of a possible seventy two. It's that good.

Nice and Dark

Well today I got up early (by mistake!) did my Zazen, then headed off to slack-line in the woods. After an hour of only managing a few steps, I gave up and headed home. In the afternoon, I played a few sets of tennis and now am ready to write a short story...

The Unknown Wonder

Caspian lived just around the corner from one of the most extraordinary sights in the entire universe - yet he was the only person to have never seen it. At night he dreamt of what it could be by piecing together information he'd heard from other people who'd seen it. During the day, he drew pictures and created songs inspired by the Unknown Wonder. In his garden, he even worked on a life-size replica of it.
Year by year visitors to the Unknown Wonder passed by his replica and laughed, "It's not like that at all" they mocked. "Just come and see it for yourself!" they urged.
But Caspian didn't want to.

No Looky at Vanagon...

New tactic: wait for man to fix power steering on nice Vanagon and do MOT and take nice pictures and put on website for a grand more than I can have it for because I keep pestering the nice man and because that's the price he quoted me.

I think I'll just sit back and wait. After all, I'm in no particular rush...it's just that when you see a possibility, you want to grab it.

Just sit back and wait, Mr. Undeceivable.

Don't Look Back into the Sun

Not Much to Say

It's nice being full of ideas and anecdotes and opinions. But sometimes it's really nice to be completely empty of all that. I seem to fall into the second category a lot of the time. Not much to say.

Thankfully, not everyone is like me. A friend at school once told me, it was because of people like me that the world was so boring! He was a good friend but he was wrong about that. Not that I make the world exciting, but there are loads of people that can do the exciting thing. I seem to be OK doing the boring thing.

In fact, it's quite exciting!

Today I am going to go have a look at the VW Vanagon I posted about. I don't think I've ever driven a 2.1L engine before, so I'm looking forward to that.

Westfalia Vanagon

Uh-oh, I think I love it:

 

This is what I'm going to see this Friday with a view to buying...

The Absurd

In the afternoon I overheard a colleague making a conference call. I only caught a few words - something about some web code or something - but for a split second everything felt really absurd: I was working on something I didn't really understand, I was tired, I was hot, and here was my colleague talking in a language I didn't really understand about something I didn't understand or care about...
Why embrace air-conditioned-computer-screen-staring when you can embrace the great outdoors?
I rest my case.

Work On, Work Off

I got in contact with a fruit picking agency which have contracts from May to September. I could stay on site in my van for the contract so wouldn't have to pay camp site fees. If I did that for 5 months in the year, I could in theory, save up enough to retreat for the rest of year - winter on a camp site is quite cheap. Or travel to Spain and live the winter there. It'd take me about a month to get down there in a T25!

That'd be quite a nice experience for a while. Despite the temptation to think ahead, I might just leave it at that and see what happens. Which means, I really shouldn't move out till a few months into the new year. But we'll see what happens.

Beating Pheasants with Sticks?

I'm just looking into jobs for the new year around the first camp site on my list and the site manager said he'd be able to find me a few days a week pheasant beating. I'm not sure I want to get into pheasant beating, I thought to myself as he said this.
Thankfully, pheasant beating doesn't involve whacking pheasants with a stick - it does involve making lots of noise with a stick though...

Pump Up the Volume

When my brother and I went hiking a while back, we drove up to Grassmere with the stereo on. My little Toyota doesn't have great speakers so I tend to keep the volume down, but my brother drives a smart Audi and turned it up so loud my head nearly exploded - I hadn't listened to music that loud for ages and the tune we had on was this:

When the melody came in it felt like the best feeling in the world. One of those moments where your mind stops churning out stories and just stops and experiences what's happening now. A good song can stop you dead in your tracks and make you listen. And what greater thing is there in life, that to listen with your whole being. Yup, here comes the Zen bit! Nope, can't be bothered, so here's the next tune from Boy Bit 8:

This one is fascinating too. I wonder how loud my Campervan speakers will go...

T25 Reimo Test-Drive

Well, I'm back from my first ever drive of a Type 25 VW Campervan and man, was it fun!


(Not the one I drove but same type in 2WD)

I drove straight, then through a set of traffic lights (that's robots for readers from South Africa), then turned right into a residential side street, let a couple of beeping cars overtake, straight on down the road brushing past parked cars (I could judge it perfectly because I was on that side) then parked opposite the owner's house. The gears were smooth, the engine nice and quiet when inside, and the overall feel of the drive was lush. I felt close to the van and it responded well. Because there's no bonnet, you can get a real feel of direction too and it's easy to judge distances. I wanted to carry on driving but it was dark and getting late.

The van is currently on eBay and the auction ends at 10pm. He told me the reserve price and I'm not willing to pay that much. The owner's a real enthusiast and the result of this is that he's made loads of modifications to the van - he's even chopped off some of the bed support for the pop-top. The interior is a little ragged too but it was still nice inside. What impressed me the most was the feeling when up in the pop-top - loads of space for me and it felt like I was in a tent high up on a roof somewhere. There was loads of interior lighting which was good and it felt cosy.

But the upshot is, I want a turbo diesel, at least a 2L, and want a van that hasn't been modified too much - if I ever wanted to re-sell this one I wouldn't have a clue what to write on the advert because even this owner didn't have a clue who'd had it before and what had been done. Also the Reimo conversion is nice enough but you don't get the feeling of space you get in a Westfalia.

But my little test-drive has convinced me I like these vans and they're fun to drive. But it looks like I'll need to fork out a little more for a van I'm willing to live in for a year.

Moon and The Imaginarium...

Jay Z

I love this song but I'm not entirely convinced Jay Z is quite as good as he thinks he is. But then you read the lyrics and it's quite a fascinating bunch of slang, play on words, and rhymes:

Yeah I'm out that Brooklyn.
Now I'm down in Tribeca.
Right next to DeNiro
But I'll be hood forever
I'm the new Sinatra
And since I made it here
I can make it anywhere
(Yeah they love me everywhere)
I used to cop in Harlem
All of my Dominicanos (Hey yo)
Right there off of Broadway
Brought me back to that McDonalds
Took it to my stash spot
560 State Street
Catch me in the kitchen like Simmons whipping Pastry
Cruising down 8th street
Off-white Lexus
Driving so slow
(but BK, it's from Texas!!)
Me I'm out that BedStuy
Home of that boy Biggie
now I live on Billboard
and I brought my boys with me
Say what up to Ta-ta
Still sipping Mai Tais
Sitting courtside
Knicks and Nets give me high-5
N**ga, I be Spiked out
I could trip a referee
...tell by my attitude that I'm MOST DEFINITELY FROM...

I made you hot n-gga,
Catch me at the X with OG at a Yankee game,
sh-t I made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can,
you should know I bleed Blue, but I ain't a crip tho,
but I got a gang of n-ggas walking with my clique though,
welcome to the melting pot,
corners where we selling rocks,
Afrika bambaataa sh-t,
home of the hip hop,
yellow cab, gypsy cab, dollar cab, holla back,
for foreigners it ain't fitted act like they forgot how to act,
8 million stories out there and they're naked,
city it's a pity half of y’all won’t make it,
me I gotta plug a special and I got it made,
If Jeezy's payin LeBron, I’m paying Dwayne Wade,
3 dice cee-lo
3 card marley,
Labor Day parade, rest in peace Bob Marley,
Statue of Liberty, long live the World Trade,
long live the king yo,
I’m from the Empire State thats…


Lights is blinding,
girls need blinders
so they can step out of bounds quick,
the side lines is blind with casualties,
who sip the lite casually, then gradually become worse,
don’t bite the apple Eve,
caught up in the in crowd,
now you're in-style,
and in the winter gets cold en vogue with your skin out,
the city of sin is a pity on a whim.
good girls gone bad, the city's filled with them,
Mommy took a bus trip and now she got her bust out,
everybody ride her, just like a bus route,
Hail Mary to the city your a Virgin,
and Jesus can’t save you life starts when the church ends,
came here for school, graduated to the high life,
ball players, rap stars, addicted to the limelight,
MDMA got you feeling like a champion,
the city never sleeps better slip you a Ambien

(Lyrics taken from a website with some dodgy spelling)

Mapping My Zazen

Sitting in Zazen today I remembered how I met this practice and the various places I've been to sit:

Myoogadani Temple - My first year in Japan in 1999 I read an article in Tokyo Classified (now, Metropolis) about a temple in Myoogadani in central Tokyo that encouraged foreigners to come and sit Zazen with them. They sat on a Wednesday evening, so the next time I was free, I went along. It was in a lovely location surrounded by the ubiquitous winding streets. I walked up the steps, passed through the temple gate and was greeted by a friendly looking man who showed me how to sit. We sat two periods of forty minutes and it was very humid and very painful. My knees couldn't reach the floor in a cross-legged position so I was constantly keeping myself up with my lower back. Afterwards we all drank tea and smoked in a little room by the main Zendo hall. What sticks in my mind still now is the fact that the head monk there was a refuse collector, was quite ill, and really nice. He told me to let my thoughts continue like the flow of blood, and not to try to stop them. Considering this is 10 years ago and I can barely remember what I had for dinner yesterday, his advice must have meant something to me. Despite having had a good time there, I never went back. It was too painful to sit for such a long period. They gave me a Zafu, I sent them a cheque by post and a letter saying thank you...

Eihei-ji - The next place I sat was at the head Soto temple in Fukui prefecture. You had to apply months in advance and it was all very formal and organised. I took the bus from Tokyo station for the long journey into the mountains West of Tokyo. I was expecting some proper Zazen with all the monks - sleeping on one tatami mat. But when I got there I was greeted by two young monks and shown to a lovely 7 mat room, with bathroom and balcony overlooking the temple bell. I was disappointed but quite relieved at the same time. Again they showed me how to sit but this time we only say for 10 minutes. That evening I ate traditional Shojin-ryori (vegetarian monk-food) on my own in my room. It was weird but cool nonetheless. The next morning, I missed the wake up call and arrived late to the morning sitting half asleep and eyes filled with sleep. Everyone smiled and then we sat for 15 minutes. Although I didn't really get to sit much it was a lovely atmosphere in the temple and the wood under feet is always nice. What stayed with me though was that one of the young monks asked me to come and train with them. If I had said yes, maybe I wouldn't be here now - I mean, I'd be dead, because it's notoriously tough at Japanese Zen temples. When I left my two young monks, I was sad, and as I walked away I turned to wave but they'd already turned and gone back inside. This was my first lesson - Zen monks just don't seem to act like the rest of us! But I liked that...

Zenshoan Temple - When I moved out of Shinkoiwa on the edge of Eastern Tokyo to the more central Nishi Nippori, I discovered my favourite temple and sat there for 4 years until I left Japan. I loved it there. I didn't have to talk to anyone, but I often did, and we sat two periods of forty minutes every Sunday evening followed by green tea and manju (a Japanese sweet). The head monk there was scary and would often scream during our sitting, scolding someone for moving too much or clearing their throat too often. He walked around during the first part of each sitting with his Kyosaku (encouragement stick) and for the four years I sat there, I could never sit still or relax while he walked around. It made me really nervous, but I was always secretly in awe of this guy who could roar like a lion, walk around and whack people with a stick, and sit still for so long. I often met him around town and we'd say hello and he'd always ask me, "So, where do you actually live?" At the end of every session there you had to bow to the Zendo when you left and I always directed my bow to the head monk to say thank you - I was too scared to actually say thank you. When I was having a bad time at the end of my time in Japan, I went there and asked to sit in the Zendo on my own. Another monk answered the door and said that unfortunately I couldn't. It annoyed me that the place I came to every Sunday for four years to sit, was closed to me when I most needed it.

Soji-ji - The other head Soto temple is located in Tsurumi just outside of Tokyo. I often went there to sit Sunday mornings till early afternoon. You also had to help with cleaning there and I got to do the proper cloth-running-cleaning thing which the monks do to clean the long corridors in the temples - which is probably the coolest thing in Zen. They were a big group and the Zendo was a proper Zendo with raised tatami mat platforms to sit on and a ledge in front. You had to spin on your Zafu to face the wall. I didn't know which way to walk during the walking meditation and often my legs were so stiff, I held up the line as I hobbled. I mainly went to Soji-ji for the floor cleaning...

Enkaku-ji - An important Zen temple in Kita-Kamakura with a tradition of training graduates before starting their new jobs, I did my first and only intensive retreat here. I still remember vividly the owls during the early morning sitting, the shy young monk who told us off for talking while we swept the grounds, our late night outdoor Zazen, the snoring, the shouting at 'snifflers' during sitting periods, and just the sheer pain of sitting for such long periods. I arrived at 6pm and we sat off and on till 9pm, then outside for half an hour, then not a wink of sleep, then up again at 3:30am for more sitting that seemed to go on forever, then formal breakfast, some sweeping outside, then more sitting followed by a talk by a monk which I couldn't stand because I had to sit still again. I remember the head monk smiling when I entered the hall, as if to say, "Well done, you made it!" I think this was my first taste of the feeling you get after intensive sitting - sweeping the grounds was just brilliant.

And that's it for the Japan Zazen nostalgia.

I can't wait

I'm starting to get really excited about getting my van. Although it's by no means definite that I'll buy it next weekend, I can't wait to at least go and see a potential buy. Looks like insurance will be less than I pay now which was surprising despite it being left-hand drive and old.

At the same I'm aware that it's not really a stress-free purchase: I need to learn a lot more about car maintenance, especially VW T25 maintenance, and keep on top of this for as long as I have the van. I also have to think a bit more about work during my adventure because I'm not going to be able to wild camp that much...

But I have thought of the book I'm going to write though. It's going to be a collection of short stories based upon what arises from my Zazen. Each chapter will start with something factual and then there'll be a short story to illustrate the point. The plan is to write weekly. The last chapter of the book will just be factual without a story to illustrate the point. So, the book becomes a metaphor for Zen practice, taking the drama out of real life. Sounds a bit pretentious and will probably change though...

I had 2 bottles of Sol beer tonight with a friend - I haven't drunk anything for months - and I seem to be writing like a child. So I'll stop right after this full-stop.

Track of the quiet day!

I think they've had another quiet week in the Indie Rock category over at garageband: I'm not a dreamer is track of the day on the 15th!

It's good this site though, with George Martin on the advisory board. I like it there...

Zen = Zazen and what follows

Often I find myself assuming certain things are Zen and that is what is good to follow. But like someone said on a forum I visit, Zen is just what comes from Zazen. All these ideas about a thing called Zen don't really exist. To me, Zen is about doing Zazen every day - a little or a lot - and keeping the mind of Zazen whenever you can.

And for that reason, I'm out.